I kind of feel this holiday has lost all meaning to me. I have no religious beliefs, and whilst I totally respect that others do, it seems weird that we are still honouring this particular holiday. Perhaps it’s because the idea of stuffing your face with chocolate feels selfish and greedy. At least with Christmas it’s all about giving gifts to the people you care about. That still appeals to the non-christian in me. And whilst I do love chocolate, i don’t need 3 days off “work” to eat it.
Obviously I know there is much more to it than that, and I am grateful for an extra sleep-in and time to catch up on housework, but the whole thing just seems, outdated.
But I did eat chocolate.
And more importantly I wrote! All weekend.
For the last 9 months I have been pregnant with ideas and stories for plays and films and tv shows and anything I can create! But I’m really struggling to give birth.
I have written more drafts than I can count, but nothing is quite there, and certainly nothing I want to put my name to. So I am in a rut. Aided by the fact that I have $2 to my name this week. Which meant all I could do was write. And drink tea. And eat the chocolate my mother sent me. For Easter.
At least the only way is up.
So this is me, 27 years old, realizing I haven’t put my words on the internet yet. Because I was afraid. Scared that people wouldn’t like what I have to say. Which is a tad pathetic when I imagine noone may ever read this, ever. That, and I’m a relatively nice person by 2014 standards. So really this is more of a ‘dear diary’ entry than anything else right now, with the chance that my diary will eventually be read by a complete stranger. Hey stranger.
This blog is entirely born out of fear as it turns out. But then, Steve Jobs created i-everything out of a fear of buttons, and that went pretty well, so I’m optimistic.
But my biggest fear is all about turning THIRTY. Not the age itself, but everything that I had set out to achieve by then, and so far haven’t. Initially it was twenty-five, but that steamrolled past and I gave myself an extra five years, now three, well two and a half. Shit.
So I have given myself a deadline to get some life stuff done. Career. Travel. Love. Friendship. Creativity. Happiness. And if I put it on the internet for ALL the world to see, I’ll have to do it. And tell you about it.